Just six weeks ago I was sitting on my bed thinking about the fact that I still needed $4,000 to make my first payment, due in June, for this trip. I was overwhelmed with this thought. I was scared, worried, and I felt like God was setting me up to fail. I began to lose sight of the big picture. I was looking at the facts, and it was impossible. There was no way to raise $10,000 in two and half months. I began to question if this was really what God had called me to. I began explaining everything I was feeling to God, every single thing, even the ugly ones. I was slightly mad at Him. I felt like He was failing me. My mind couldn’t wrap around why He wasn’t bringing in what I needed. I felt small and slightly crazy for trying to raise so much money in such a small amount of time.
What I didn’t know was that my journey started way before August; it started the day I said yes to God’s calling for me to go this fall.
That was six weeks ago. I look at the person who I was then, and I don’t recognize her. In just six weeks God has been breaking me down in areas in my life, and building me up in some. The process has been painful, but at the same time it has been very healing. I’m not the same as I was then. Since that night God has provided a job, and He also has provided $8,200 out of the $11,900 needed for this fall. His provision never ceases to amaze me. He has far from failed me; He has been faithful throughout my doubts. I’ve come to realize that I needed this, every single part of it. He has grown my faith through this process; He is preparing me for this fall.
The one thing that still remains from now until then is knowing that I am indeed small, and only by God’s goodness has this been possible. There is no way to raise $11,900 without God.
I would like to thank everyone who has become a part of my journey this far.
I can’t wait to see how God brings in the last $3,700 still needed.
