I’ve spent the past couple of weeks trying to find the right words to truly explain to everyone back in the States what it is that I’m doing here in Honduras. I’ve tried writing/blogging in the early mornings I spend with Jesus while holding a sleeping baby that was conceived from rape. I’ve tried after a long day of building dorms that will one day be filled with volunteers and victims of violence. And I’ve tried after some of the most amazing worship services you could ever be a part of. Yet, still no words could be found to fully describe what being a missionary here in Honduras truly looks like.
The truth is, ministry isn’t always pretty. Sometimes it smells bad; sometimes it includes changing dirty diapers, or having what seems like hundreds of bug bites covering your legs, or taking multiple trips to the doctor before admitting you are actually sick, or hiding in your sleeping bag because you’re afraid that the mouse you just saw in the rafters above your bed might fall on you. Yes, I think it is safe to say ministry isn’t always pretty, and at times many people might think the life of a missionary is quite ugly. And I would definitely agree that sometimes from the outside it can look pretty ugly. Yet, it is often in the ugliest parts where the most beautiful ministry, and God, can be found. God is in both the “pretty” and the “ugly” parts of ministry.
He’s there while you carry dozens of bricks up a flight of stairs; bricks that will one day provide a safe haven for a girl who has never felt safe.
He’s in the faces of the three small boys who were abandoned by their mothers and also the children beyond the walls of Heart of Christ who haven’t seen much love. (Yet it is these three boys who are the first ones to run up and tell you that they love you followed by a kiss on the cheek.)
He’s in the three small babies you watch while their teen mothers attend school.
He’s there in all the rain showers you have with squad-mates and the girls that live here.
He is in the hand-holding of thirteen year old Maria who won’t open up to anyone about the abuses she saw just a few weeks ago.
These are the most precious, most beautiful moments that can be found in ministry.
Over and over again God is bringing me back to our team’s first early morning together here at Heart of Christ. I sat where there is now a half-built dorm looking at the vast sky in front of me, looking at the hundred of stars He placed in the sky that would soon fade as the sun rises. I sat there staring, only partly awake, when He spoke, “I’m giving you the world as your home.” Those words still echo over in my head over three weeks later.
What does ministry and the words God spoke to me over twenty-one days ago have in common? Everything. It is through missions – through this ministry – that I am home. Home: a place where you feel safe, a place where you feel alive, a place that God has made special for you. This is my home. I’m not talking about an earthly home God has given me, but a home where both “pretty”, and “Ugly” ministry can be found. A home that for many might look ugly, smelly, and dirty, yet all the same it’s the home God has given. A home I’m blessed and honored to have.
